Embracing Wabi-Sabi: Finding Beauty in Life's Flaws
Written on
Chapter 1: Understanding Wabi-Sabi
The Japanese philosophy of wabi-sabi, which celebrates the beauty found in imperfection, invites us to shift our perspective on perceived flaws—whether they relate to ourselves, others, or life events. Much of our discomfort arises from clinging to ideals and mourning circumstances that don't align with our expectations. A chipped mug, aging skin, or a rainy day might bring you down, but adopting a wabi-sabi mindset can transform how you perceive these situations.
In a memorable moment, I watched old footage of John Lennon and Yoko Ono, where they carefully assembled a broken china cup. The interviewer, taken aback, quickly diverted the conversation, leaving the visibly imperfect cup on display. Life rarely unfolds according to our wishes, yet embracing wabi-sabi allows us to find contentment in whatever comes our way. As we age, our bodies will inevitably change, but by understanding wabi-sabi, we can learn to view these transformations not as flaws but as part of our unique journeys.
Reflecting on my childhood, I realize that anything broken was promptly discarded in my family; the message was clear—imperfection was to be shunned. My sister and I invested our time and money into accentuating our best features, as dictated by societal standards. But what is wabi-sabi?
Wabi-sabi embodies the idea that there is beauty in the flawed. It encompasses all things that deviate from the polished, pristine ideals we often chase.
Section 1.1: The Beauty of Imperfection
For instance, I once believed my square face was out of style, leading me to style my hair in ways that created the illusion of a longer face. I never questioned the narrative that I needed to be "fixed" to fit societal beauty standards. We're often conditioned to believe that certain physical traits are superior, leaving many feeling inadequate. However, by embracing wabi-sabi, we can discover a different kind of beauty in our imperfections.
Despite not reflecting much on my pursuit of perfection, I found myself drawn to the beauty of the imperfect in nature. Overgrown gardens bursting with wildflowers, babbling brooks strewn with rocks, and jagged cliffs all held a charm that perfectly manicured landscapes lacked. Wabi-sabi teaches us that beauty exists not just in flawless objects but also in the unique character that imperfections bring.
Section 1.2: The Lessons from Imperfection
A perfect teacup may appear flawless at first, but as it experiences the passage of time—chipping, staining, or fading—its value evolves. According to wabi-sabi principles, these imperfections add a wistful beauty that the cup lacked initially. Rather than deteriorating, the cup transforms and tells a story through its flaws.
As a young adult, I attempted to cultivate a garden that was so orderly that even the insects were confused. A friend remarked, “Nature doesn’t plant in perfect rows.” Flowers grow wildly and scatter, contributing to their authenticity. The Japanese art of kintsugi, where broken pottery is repaired using lacquer infused with gold, embodies wabi-sabi, emphasizing the beauty in damage. A broken cup, rather than being deemed inferior, becomes a testament to its history.
The same applies to our aging bodies and unforeseen challenges; they can reveal beauty and life lessons that enhance our experiences.
Chapter 2: Reassessing Our Perspective on Imperfection
In my fifties, I often hear compliments about my skin, but beneath them lies the implication that aging is something to be ashamed of. I perceive wrinkles not as flaws but as markers of a life well-lived, full of experiences and resilience.
Much of our suffering stems from resisting acceptance of imperfections. When we fail to embrace our flaws, we may feel sadness, frustration, or anger. For example, yearning for a particular job or relationship can lead to disappointment when things don't unfold as we wish. Yet, some of my most profound lessons arose from experiences that didn’t go as planned. Those wrong turns and failed relationships guided me to unexpected paths and invaluable insights.
Embracing wabi-sabi means reinterpreting our view of imperfections. Wrinkles can signify a life rich in experiences. An antique mirror, with its timeworn stains, has a history that younger glass lacks. Similarly, a job or relationship that didn’t work out often brings wisdom and cherished memories.
Thank goodness for the relationships that ended poorly before I met my husband; they illuminated what I truly desired in a partner. I have no regrets about the various careers I tried before discovering my passion. Those experiences shaped my journey, ensuring I wouldn’t wistfully wonder about missed opportunities.
Part of wabi-sabi involves valuing reality instead of lamenting what could have been. Acceptance leads to tranquility and fulfillment, while resistance breeds suffering.
Years later, I finally understood the intent behind John and Yoko's broken cup. In 2021, Yoko sold another damaged ceramic cup, complete with glue, donating the proceeds to charity. She created 100 of these cups, encouraging buyers to “think about mending the world” as they repaired them.
To integrate wabi-sabi into your life, remember to appreciate the value in setbacks and unexpected turns. Focus on uncovering beauty in these moments rather than dwelling on unmet expectations, and you may discover greater happiness.
The first video, The Principles of Accepting Our Imperfections: "Wabi-sabi" Interpreting Yourself, delves into how this philosophy encourages us to embrace life's flaws and find beauty in them.
The second video, Wabi-Sabi, The Psychology of Imperfection: What it Is, and How Coaches Can Embrace It, explores the psychological aspects of wabi-sabi and how it can be applied in coaching and personal growth.