Embracing Authenticity: An Unfiltered Journey of Self-Discovery
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Chapter 1: The Loss of Masking
Earlier today, during a conversation with my daughter, I expressed that I've lost the ability to hide my mental health struggles. I can no longer maintain the facade of normalcy that often drains my energy. Many women with Autism, a condition I suspect I have, frequently engage in this type of masking, and it has reached a point where it feels unsustainable.
This evening, a fellow writer and friend, Art Bram, encouraged me to write freely for thirty minutes. This challenge resonated deeply with my current feelings—writing without editing or filtering my thoughts.
Recently, I faced a situation that triggered a panic attack while working at a bar, a place I had been familiar with previously. I was alone at the bar when I should have had a colleague assisting me, and I quickly realized that everything was disorganized. Customers were making passive-aggressive remarks, and as my hands trembled and my heart raced, I repeatedly asked for help but received none. It became clear that I was moments away from breaking down.
Feeling overwhelmed, I returned home, took my medication, and cried myself to sleep, grappling with the shame of not being able to hold a job for even two weeks. Over the past year, I've experienced numerous failures, leading me to feel as if something within me has shattered. While I've dealt with heartbreak and suicidal thoughts in the past, this feels distinct and more daunting.
I'm currently pursuing disability benefits, but it appears to be a lengthy journey. As Social Security outlines, if my application is approved, I will need to wait five months before receiving my first payment. Furthermore, from what I've heard, the approval process can extend up to two years, often requiring multiple appeals and legal assistance. In the meantime, I find myself uncertain about what steps to take next.
Section 1.1: Focusing on Strengths
In a recent productive session with my life coach, I was advised to lean into my strengths. For several months, we’ve been exploring my life's purpose together. I began this journey before my life took a chaotic turn, and during my last few sessions, I decided to revisit the reasons that ignited my passion for writing.
I acknowledged that I want to write, and from feedback I've received, it's clear that my writing can make a difference in people's lives. My coach affirmed that writing could indeed serve as a life purpose.
Everyone talks about the importance of narrowing your niche, but is it necessary? My coach suggested that if I write about my passions, I can create a niche without limiting myself too much. I aim to weave together various topics: mental health, spirituality, personal development, motherhood, and social justice. They all seem interconnected to me.
Can "life" itself be a niche? I recently discussed this idea with a business consultant friend, who agreed that these subjects are indeed linked. To summarize, I see it as a journey: healing mental health leads to deeper personal development, which then prompts profound questions about existence, ushering in spirituality. This spiritual exploration fosters compassion and fuels a desire for social justice.
Section 1.2: Resilience in Adversity
No matter how exhausted I feel, I've successfully navigated every one of my toughest days thus far. During a recent visit to the dentist, I noticed they were playing one of the Avengers movies, where the heroes continue to fight against overwhelming odds. It made me ponder what motivates us to find hope and persevere.
When I was in a mental health facility back in January, I learned that if I were to take my own life, my daughters' risks would increase as well. I desire a brighter future for them, one filled with hope.
But where does hope originate? For me, the motivation to strive for a better world stems from my role as a mother. I want to provide my daughters with a world characterized by compassion, equality, safety, and access to clean resources.
Despite the colossal task of addressing global issues, it feels daunting for one individual to make a difference. Yet, every person who remains passive reduces the collective effort needed for change. We must unite to create a sustainable future for ourselves and the generations to come, prioritizing climate change. Without decisive action, our world could face dire consequences.
It's not too late, but we must enact significant changes regarding fossil fuel consumption and more, particularly by the decade's end, if we hope to reverse the damage done.
Desiring clean air and water and a sustainable future shouldn't be controversial, yet it often is. Climate change denial persists in both religious and political spheres. While the United Nations has a plan to tackle climate change and other pressing global issues, they struggle for funding and support. Countries often evade compliance, leaving the UN without enforcement capabilities.
For real progress, we need a unified approach to address large-scale problems. However, divisions abound—politics, religion, capitalism. We need to recognize that our commonalities far outweigh our differences. For a future that isn't bleak, we must come together and address these issues, starting with acknowledging that problems exist.
Admitting mistakes is challenging. I faced this reality when I separated from my ex-husband; my pride prevented me from accepting my missteps. I pretended everything was fine while my life was unraveling.
But no more pretense from me. This is my unfiltered self, and this is what you will receive moving forward.
Be well, my dear readers! Special thanks to Art for the prompt. I hope you find value in my reflections.
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Chapter 2: The Power of Unfiltered Thoughts
In this chapter, I want to delve deeper into the themes of authenticity and vulnerability.
The first video, "Amy Landino - UNFILTERED THOUGHTS," explores the importance of embracing one's true self and sharing unfiltered experiences.
The second video, "Cory Asbury's Unfiltered Thoughts on the Church and Worship," discusses the challenges of navigating personal beliefs and the quest for authenticity within spiritual contexts.