Chapter 1: The Paradox of Tickling

Have you ever pondered why you can't tickle yourself? The answer likely lies in the element of surprise that tickling, and laughter in general, brings. When you engage in tickling yourself, you are fully aware of the action, while being tickled by someone else introduces a delightful unpredictability. This benign loss of control can create pleasurable sensations.

Consider this:

Some individuals revel in the thrill of roller coasters, yet a minor jolt during a flight might have them gripping their armrests in fear. We willingly pay to experience the suspense of horror movies, but the feeling of being genuinely pursued is a frightful experience that most would rather avoid.

An unwanted sexual advance can be profoundly traumatic, whereas relinquishing control to a trusted partner—complete with a prearranged safe word—can transform the experience into something exciting and consensual.

The human smile itself encapsulates a blend of conflicting emotions. The display of teeth, typically a sign of aggression or a warning among other primates, is paired with relaxed lips, signaling safety and a lack of threat.

While we find pleasure in surrendering control, our willingness to do so only when it is our decision highlights the importance of personal agency in our happiness. The activities we believe will bring us joy only yield satisfaction when undertaken by our own volition.

For example, many people eagerly anticipate retirement, convinced that financial freedom will enable them to pursue their true passions, such as painting or spending time with grandchildren. However, do they yearn for these activities because they are innately enjoyable, or is it the freedom to choose that makes them appealing, rather than a mundane obligation?

Creating art can be fulfilling, but enforcing a painting quota turns it into a chore. Similarly, cherishing moments with grandchildren is rewarding, but feeling obligated to do so can transform it into unpaid labor.

Without the autonomy to make choices, any experience can become burdensome. On the flip side, individuals often engage in activities that others may deem unpleasant—such as running ultramarathons or writing on Medium—simply because they desire to do so.

According to physicist Erwin Schrödinger, life is characterized by the struggle against entropy; living organisms create order from chaos. The essence of life is about exerting control over one’s surroundings. The sensation of losing control can feel akin to death, as it contradicts the very nature of life.