A Reality Check

Firstly, it's essential to recognize that this isn't love; it's an unhealthy fixation that erodes your self-esteem by fixating on someone unworthy of your time and affection. This attraction can hijack your brain's natural processes, compelling you to pursue something detrimental to your well-being.

The Science of Unhealthy Attractions

The roots of anxiety and craving stem from our limbic system, an ancient part of the brain linked to our emotional responses. This system drives us toward activities that bring pleasure, such as indulging in a sweet treat after a stressful day. The limbic system not only regulates mood but also triggers cravings in response to stress, often leading us to seek comfort in food or, in this case, relationships.

How Love Comes Into Play

Just as we crave food during tough times, we also yearn for affection and companionship. This is a natural part of being human; without such desires, maintaining relationships would be challenging. However, problems arise when we cling to those who mistreat us or are emotionally distant. Such relationships often leave us feeling unworthy, anxious, and depressed.

So, why do we continue to hold on?

When the Limbic System is Hijacked

Our unhealthy attractions resemble the behaviors seen in gambling addictions, where intermittent rewards create a cycle of craving. The limbic system attempts to alleviate our pain by triggering desires for what it believes can bring relief. When the individual causing our distress is also the source of our happiness, our brain can mistakenly associate them with healing. The belief that winning their affection will resolve our anxiety traps us in a cycle of dependency.

However, this reliance can lead us to question our worth, as we find ourselves constantly seeking validation from someone who may not treat us well. Even if they choose us, doubts linger about whether they will continue to do so. Deep down, we recognize their unavailability, yet we are ensnared by a biochemical desire.

The Way Out

The issue lies not only with them but also within ourselves. If we lack fulfillment in our lives, we are more likely to seek validation from external sources, including relationships. If you find yourself entangled with someone who is emotionally unavailable, reflect on your expectations of love. Do you equate winning their approval with self-worth?

“Foreign substances can create a pleasure response in the brain; but so can personal choices.” — Gregory L. Jantz Ph.D.

Your beliefs about love and your perceived lack of it contribute to a negative emotional state, driving your brain to search for validation. The reality is that you don't need someone else's love to feel complete. True self-worth comes from within, and a temporary hijacking of your limbic system does not necessitate chasing someone who consistently demonstrates their unsuitability.

Thank you for taking the time to read this article. If you found it helpful, consider giving it a few claps and follow Above The Middle for more insights. For further reading, check out these related articles:

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