Chapter 1: The Unexpected Shift

Life can change in an instant, and the sudden absence of my daughter left a void I had dreaded but never expected to face. This heart-wrenching experience, one of a parent's deepest fears, revealed the incredible power we possess to shape our thoughts and reactions. Here’s a reflection I penned six weeks after her passing:

It felt as though my heart had been torn from my chest, cast aside as I stood in disbelief. There it lay, barely beating, pulsing with sorrow and dread. The anguish from the gaping hole in my chest surged through me, as if I were reaching out to reclaim my heart. Witnessing my life unravel before my eyes felt surreal.

Overwhelmed and speechless, I was breathless from the shock, unable to do anything except follow the motions of grief. I now understand what people mean when they say, “Your life can change in an instant.” The aching in my chest was a signal that demanded my immediate attention: my heart was shattered. In that moment, I faced a pivotal decision, the first of many I would encounter as life continued on.

I could either stand there in despair, a victim of my circumstances, or I could gather my heart from the ground, restore it to its rightful place, and envelop it in love. The consequences of each choice diverged significantly. I had no desire to be rushed to the emergency room, risking irreversible damage to my heart. Though broken, it continued to beat, and I was determined not to endure this pain any longer than necessary.

I recognized that this suffering could lead to a self-imposed cycle of torment, a hell I had no interest in experiencing. This was a darkness I wanted to avoid. So, I bent down and lifted my heart from the ground, where it lay, weak and forlorn. Choosing to reclaim my heart became a profound act of self-love, a way to honor this transformative experience. In that moment, I chose to view this tragedy as an opportunity for growth rather than a punishment.

With courage and trust, I began to see the passing of my beloved daughter, Keara, as a significant gift. The rupture of my heart opened the door for healing. I had no option but to confront the truths I needed to see, hear, and understand. I consciously decided against perpetuating darkness. Having always feared the dark, I resolved to seek the light.

As I committed to healing, I realized it was time to unpack the emotional baggage I had carried for years. Despite previous efforts to declutter my mind, I discovered another layer of outdated beliefs and patterns that needed addressing. These hidden issues surfaced only after the explosion of my heart.

I needed to illuminate the toxic thought patterns lurking in the shadows of my mind that no longer served me. With my heart wide open and vulnerable, I became aware of the negative patterns that had crept back into my life. These harmful thoughts knocked on my soul's door, disguised as old friends come to grieve with me, but this was far from the truth.

I had to sift through these toxic tendencies, distinguishing them from the constructive ones while closing off access to negativity. This journey was rocky and emotionally charged, filled with pain and insights, all while learning that managing grief is one of my life lessons. Keara was there to guide me through it.

To maintain a connection with her beyond mere memories, I had to confront my fears and denial and undertake the hard work necessary to become an open channel for her essence. The effort I had put forth until then was minimal compared to what lay ahead.

What many labeled a “tragedy” was, in reality, a blessing from Keara. It was not a misfortune but rather destiny—a part of life. Choosing not to heal from my grief felt wrong. Viewing Keara’s death as the worst thing that could happen to me didn’t resonate with the raw emotions I experienced. I didn't want to nurture the dark, negative thoughts arising from my ego's reaction to this life-altering event.

This was a monumental opportunity to shift my thinking. If everything else was changing, why shouldn’t my mindset evolve as well? It felt right to honor the absence of my daughter by facing reality, piecing my heart back together with love and gratitude for Keara, and moving forward in my journey, which also included my son.

I cherished the 19 years I had with Keara’s physical presence, grateful for the time we shared. Her essence lives on within me, through her brother, cousins, and all those she left behind.

The past six weeks have felt like the longest of my life—a sentiment I don’t express lightly. In my 51 years, I’ve faced numerous challenges, including Keara’s battle with life-threatening cancer, which she bravely fought for eight weeks before beginning her recovery journey.

However, full recovery was elusive, as such experiences leave a lasting imprint on the soul, not to mention the potential impact on her sudden passing.

I have witnessed the illness and death of both my parents—one struggling with substance abuse and the other with severe mental health challenges—alongside a tumultuous 30-year relationship, a subsequent divorce, and a home relocation.

Yet, these last six weeks have been the most profoundly transformative and heartbreaking of all. Death brings an undeniable finality—especially when it involves your child.

I will continue to navigate through this, remaining open to new opportunities while healing my thoughts, beliefs, and patterns. I draw inspiration from Keara’s love and memories as I continue my journey. This powerful surge of energy is a gift stemming from this life-changing experience, an act of love from Keara and the universe. It opens doors for deep shadow work necessary to enhance my life. If this journey allows me to maintain a connection with Keara, then I have broken down that door and stand ready on the other side, eager for the guidance of her spirit.

Because on the other side of this door, I feel her love and her desire for me to both give and receive joy. She wants me to be happy, and I know she is exactly where she is meant to be, with a radiant smile gracing her face whenever I think of her.

She doesn’t apologize for leaving, as it was part of her destiny. She doesn’t express regret for the heartbreak I must endure. It is all part of my journey, and I accept that, no matter how challenging it may be.

Keara remains with me; it’s simply in a different form. As I adjust to life without her physical presence, I learn to let go—not just of what doesn’t serve me, but also of what never truly belonged to me. I practice recognizing her connections with me, sensing her presence in my life.

Consequently, this new chapter is marked by greater clarity, deeper understanding, increased love, peace, and wisdom, all made possible by Keara. I am eternally grateful for her influence. The lessons she imparted are countless, and I am in awe of the continued lessons I receive even after her passing.

Each person grieves uniquely, and I firmly believe that remaining in a perpetual state of sadness and victimhood will only hinder me from living my fullest life. I have endured that for far too long, and I refuse to do so at the cost of my daughter’s life.

There is nothing I can do to change the reality of Keara's absence from my earthly experience. Instead, I expand my mindset, opting for thoughts that foster peace and love. Our bond cannot be severed by her physical absence, as separation is merely an illusion.

I have created a guided meditation for parents grieving the loss of a child. You can download it here: Heart Healing Meditation. Hi! I’m Lori Cristine, a parent dedicated to living my best life—even after my daughter passed in 2019. I appreciate your support and engagement!

Until we meet again, keep exploring. Learn more about Keara Kisses on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and YouTube.

Chapter 2: Embracing Transformation

The first video titled "When EVERYTHING Changes in an Instant" explores how we can navigate sudden changes in life, offering insights into emotional resilience and personal growth.

The second video, "Change Your Life in an Instant: Uncover the Secrets to Transformation!" delves into methods for creating a positive shift in your life, guiding you through the process of transformation and self-discovery.