Chapter 1: The Deceptive Structure of Masculinity

Men today, you’ve been misled. While I’m not here to apologize, I must acknowledge the extent of the exploitation you face. If you lend me your ear, you might realize that this is a wake-up call rather than a blame game.

You may expect me to portray women as the villains in this narrative, but the reality is that your greatest manipulators are often other men.

Indeed, contemporary masculinity resembles a multi-level marketing scheme. Similar to numerous oppressive systems, it’s structured hierarchically, benefiting only a select few at the summit. This allure of privilege drives many to strive for the top, despite knowing that those already in power are unlikely to relinquish their status.

To maintain their positions, the elite must continuously recruit newcomers, convincing them to purchase what they’re selling, and in turn, to sell it to others. What’s on the market? The elusive keys to masculinity: what it means to be a man, to earn like a man, to present oneself as a man, and to attract women as a man.

These men act as gatekeepers of masculinity. As long as other men seek their guidance to define and uphold their masculine identity, they will stay comfortably at the apex. The suffering of those beneath them is of little concern, as only the strongest are deemed worthy to thrive.

As you read this, you might be feeling disbelief or confusion. You might think that there’s no scheme at play, that you haven’t paid for lessons in masculinity, or that there aren’t men dictating what it means to be masculine.

But perhaps a flicker of recognition is beginning to dawn on you. If it hasn’t, don’t be hard on yourself. This elaborate scheme has been operational for millennia—approximately four thousand years, to be precise.

It’s called the patriarchy.

This system is cunning, so much so that many men unwittingly become part of it, often failing to recognize the price they pay.

The pyramid scheme manifests in various ways. One aspect is the invisible network established by men long ago who lured others with promises of influence and power. Over the ages, generations of men have bought into this system, having been conditioned by their grandfathers, fathers, and male role models in their communities.

The evolution of masculinity stems from each generation attempting to reconcile the teachings of manhood with the unique challenges of their time. Each new definition is passed along by recruiting more men into this scheme, often through peer enforcement of these masculine ideals.

Yet, there’s a visible aspect as well. Capitalism has allowed men to monetize patriarchy, turning it into a literal pyramid scheme. Countless men profit from exploiting other men’s desires to conform to societal standards of masculinity.

Consider figures like Andrew Tate—do you think his only victims are women? Many male entrepreneurs, like him, promote online courses or memberships claiming to teach men how to amass wealth and “liberate the modern man from societal constraints.” These offers target men who equate masculinity with financial success.

Additionally, there’s a slew of podcasters and bloggers offering productivity tips, health advice, and dating strategies. Some even provide coaching on how to attract “high-value women” (which typically translates to younger, slimmer women who fit specific criteria).

Let’s not forget the multitude of gadgets that promise to enhance physical attributes or the pharmaceutical companies profiting from men’s insecurities.

Are you starting to see the picture?

As a woman active online, I frequently encounter men who presume to speak on behalf of women’s desires. It’s astonishing.

“You don’t want nice guys; you only like men who mistreat you!” they assert. This is patently false.

Then, they claim, “You wouldn’t date a man who isn’t a homeowner or who is overweight.” In truth, I’ve dated men of varying body types, and I’m still smitten with Kevin James. Of the men I’ve dated, only one owned a home; the rest were like many of us—renters or even transient.

Lately, I’ve been bombarded with the notion that no woman would consider a man unless he has the “three 6s.” I was oblivious to this term until recently—a man’s height, income, and physical fitness level, which are supposedly essential to attract women.

This rhetoric stems from incel and red pill ideologies—yet another way for men to climb this pyramid. They’re not only led to believe that women want unattainable perfection from their partners, but they’re also indoctrinated into believing that true masculinity is defined by strength, stature, and success.

This is the snake oil being sold. The current standards of masculinity are impossible to meet, and as men strive for these unattainable ideals, they become willing to do anything to achieve them.

The pyramid scheme profits immensely from this cycle.

It’s astounding how many men thrive by advising other men on what women desire, how we think, and how to leverage that information for emotional and sexual validation.

Want to know what we truly desire? How we think? How to cultivate meaningful relationships with us?

Ask us!

Understand that this pyramid scheme isolates you from the relationships and experiences you genuinely seek. It exploits you, maintaining your loyalty to a system that benefits a select few while dragging you along.

Stop engaging in endless discussions on your podcasts and gaming forums about how to attract women. Cease the complaints and the endless seeking of advice from other men on navigating dating. And please, stop supporting those who dictate what women want.

Thanks to the digital age, this pyramid scheme has never wielded more power, ensnaring men at unprecedented rates. I've never encountered so many men convinced they understand women’s desires while being out of touch with real-life interactions for months.

It’s almost comical how fervently some men cling to misguided beliefs about what women want, dismissing our own words in favor of what some wealthy, muscular podcaster has said.

You might think, "But asking women is a sign of weakness." This belief reinforces the idea that only men can offer insights into female nature and relationships, protecting the pyramid’s integrity.

But let me pose this question: How is this strategy working out for men? From a woman’s perspective, it appears that men are not thriving.

I recognize that stepping away from this paradigm might be daunting. Breaking free from the reliance on other men to define masculinity for you is a significant shift. What if you eliminated the middleman?

Imagine confronting women directly and learning about them through genuine, human interactions. What if you dared to establish your own definition of masculinity?

© Yael Wolfe 2023

Yael Wolfe is a writer, artist, and photographer. More of her work can be found at yaelwolfe.com. If you appreciate her writing, consider supporting her on Ko-fi.

Chapter 2: Exploring Modern Masculinity Through Insightful Videos

In the video, What it means to be a man today: 'Modern Masculinity' with Dr. Poulter, the discussion centers on the complexities of modern masculinity and the societal pressures faced by men.

The second video, Toxic Masculinity Scams & the Arete Syndicate, delves into the misconceptions surrounding masculinity and the detrimental effects of toxic ideologies.

More on masculinity:

• What Does It Mean to Be a Man?
• The Urgency of Redefining Masculinity
• America’s Deification of the Masculine and Its Fear of the Feminine