Chapter 1: A Letter to My Younger Self

Dear young one,

There’s so much I wish to share with you, but I find myself at a loss for where to start. A multitude of feelings, thoughts, and emotions were never voiced; they remained unexpressed — neither in laughter nor in tears, but rather locked away within you.

You kept these emotions to yourself, never allowing them to take shape or be acknowledged. They lingered within, unaddressed and unrecognized. Thoughts trapped in your mind, feelings confined in your heart, and emotions buried deep in your soul, all left unspoken until they were swallowed whole, unable to be processed or understood.

They returned to their origins, gradually fading with time, yet they never truly left you. They existed as layers upon layers of unresolved thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Like an ever-expanding onion, each layer contributed to the complexity of your inner world. As the years passed, it became increasingly difficult to discern where it all began.

(Now, at 30 years old, I ponder: Who am I, really?)

As these thoughts and emotions lingered, they took root within you, becoming intertwined with your identity. They became so ingrained that you began to believe they defined you.

Were you simply a captive of your own mind?

These emotions resembled weeds, continuously spreading, shrouding everything beneath them with a dense canopy of leaves and roots. Not only did they obscure your true self, but they also prevented anything new from taking root. Anything that attempted to flourish was suffocated by the overgrowth.

(Now, at 30 years old, I yearn to untangle this intricate web of emotions and thoughts to discover the true me beneath it all. But where do I even begin?)

I’ve come to realize that I don’t truly know myself, yet I am eager to embark on this journey of self-discovery. I have begun the arduous task of peeling back these layers, of uprooting the weeds.

At times, this process brings tears and dirt under my nails, yet I know it’s worthwhile. Confusion sometimes clouds my mind. What should I discard, and what should I keep? How can I differentiate between the weeds and my true self? What revelations await me as I peel back each layer?

I must admit, I feel fear. The prospect seems overwhelming at times.

But I want to tell you something today, dear little one: All those thoughts and fears that echo in your mind? They do not define you. They are not real, nor are they true.

I know you believe them now, but you no longer have to. You know which thoughts I’m referring to, don’t you? Deep down, you understand.

"I'm not good enough."

"I'm not worth it."

"I'm weak, slow, incapable, boring, and ugly."

"My voice sounds stupid."

"I'm weird."

"I don't do enough."

"I'm useless."

"I don't matter."

"Things are just too hard for me."

"I'm going to fail; I always do."

"I don't have anything interesting to share."

"I'm unable to express myself properly."

Can you see how many of these thoughts you’ve allowed to imprison you over the years? You never challenged them; you simply accepted them. Do you realize how they have confined you? You are like a captive in your own mind.

But here’s the good news, dear one: You can break free.

From every single thought.

I understand this may be hard to accept right now, but trust me. You have placed your faith in so few people throughout your life — did that protect you from harm? You have relied solely on yourself, yet you remain lost.

I know you feel frightened, but I want you to understand that your liberation lies in releasing all those suppressed thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Not all at once — we need to breathe, don’t we?

Take your time, dear. For so long, you’ve been running past yourself. Now it’s time to simply be.

Relax. Breathe deeply.

Start by peeling back just one layer. Take a glimpse. You might be pleasantly surprised by what you discover about yourself. Life isn’t as terrifying as you’ve been led to believe. It’s not so difficult.

And guess what? You are capable. You can uproot that weed, "I'm not capable," and plant a new seed: "I am capable." Nurture it daily, let it bask in sunlight, and one day you will witness a beautiful plant flourishing in its place.

Little one, you can begin cultivating the garden of your soul today. Your time to blossom is now. Cherish the essence of who you are. You are too radiant and beautiful to remain hidden beneath the weeds, beneath countless layers.

I know you don’t yet believe this, but you possess a light within that can illuminate the world. I understand it may sound unbelievable, even absurd.

"How can I illuminate anything?" you ponder.

But remember this: All seeds start small, dear little one. A tiny seed can transform into a mighty tree.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. David, though small, felled the giant Goliath with just one stone. An ant can carry five thousand times its weight.

Should I continue?

I believe you grasp my point: Although many things seem improbable, it doesn’t mean they are impossible. Dream big, little one. Revive those dreams that were stifled during your upbringing. Peel away the "I am weak" layer and uncover the strength that lies beneath. It has always been there; you simply didn’t see it.

How strong you are remains a mystery to me, but I’m confident it surpasses your wildest dreams. Are you ready to discover it? I am.

(Now, at 30 years old, I yearn to finally embrace who I am. I’ve been here all along, just obscured by layers of thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Whoever I am has been overgrown by weeds.)

I realize you haven’t often heard this, my dear heart, but:

"I believe in you!"

I know you can achieve this.

You’ve been told you inhabit a daunting world, too perilous for a little girl like you. But what if I told you it’s not? What if I told you that you exist in a realm brimming with adventure, opportunities, and treasures waiting to be discovered?

Would you believe me?

Imagine if you dared to emerge from your shell and found that the outside world is far more inviting than you’ve imagined. What if it’s better than the fabricated realms you've inhabited all your life? Do you think it’s worthwhile to confront your fears and explore the vast world around you for the first time?

Would you believe me if I said you would enjoy it? I do.

(Now, at 30 years old, I've caught a glimpse of the beautiful world beyond, and it has ignited my desire for more.)

Dear one, many things you’ve been told are simply untrue. I invite you to start perceiving the world through your own eyes, not through the lens of others. I’m certain you will appreciate it because I know you.

And let me ask you: Are you prepared for the world to truly know you? I am.

I have stepped out of hiding, and I refuse to retreat back into my shell.

So, will you take my hand and leap into the unknown together? Dive into the depths? Reach for the sky? Explore every corner of this world and all it has to offer? I am.

I’m as prepared as I’ll ever be. And while you may not realize it yet, I know you are ready too. So, let’s go and uncover this wonderful world together.

And all those layers? I’m confident they will fall away one by one as we continue our exploration. The weeds will wither, making space for the most exquisite flowers to blossom. We will thrive, little one. The layers will reveal the garden of your soul as they are shed along our journey called "life."

What do you think, dear one? Are you ready to truly live? I am. And I know you are too. I believe in you.

With love,

Me

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