Chapter 1: Understanding Toxicity in Ourselves

Have you ever confronted someone about their behavior, only to be dismissed with the phrase “that’s just who I am”? I’ve encountered countless stories of individuals receiving this excuse, especially from older generations, often concerning relatives or parents. It’s incredibly frustrating. Many individuals seem to believe that “that’s just how they are” justifies harmful actions, including emotional abuse and harassment.

For instance, consider someone who makes inappropriate sexual remarks and insists on physical contact: "Sure, he makes you uncomfortable, but that’s just his nature. Just humor him." Or, reflect on a person who belittles you and resorts to physical reprimands, with the excuse that it was how they were raised. Such justifications are simply unacceptable.

Part of adulthood involves self-awareness, recognizing our negative traits, and making necessary adjustments. As children, we learn about ourselves and the world; mistakes are part of the process, and we often receive forgiveness. However, we don’t magically become fully formed adults at a specific age. I continue to learn and evolve. When I notice that my behavior adversely affects others, I actively work to change it.

The notion of “that’s just how I am” cannot excuse poor behavior. Age does not grant immunity to self-reflection or change. If your actions are hurting those around you, acknowledging this is crucial rather than dismissing it.

Life is a journey filled with opportunities for growth. We must adapt to the new experiences life offers, or we risk being left behind in both our personal lives and our relationships. As humans, our ability to learn and evolve is a defining characteristic. This capacity for adaptation allows us to thrive as a species.

Through our capacity for growth, we can collaborate and strive for greater achievements. If we were solely self-serving, we would not have formed the communities and societies that exist today. Our progress stems from our ability to recognize and amend behaviors that negatively impact others.

If you find yourself thinking “that’s just how I am,” reconsider. This phrase often arises when your actions are questioned, serving merely as a way to shut down a conversation. If someone points out your harmful behavior and you resort to that response, it suggests either a lack of awareness regarding the impact of your actions or an unwillingness to change.

Consider seeking professional help if you struggle with self-reflection. Avoid using “that’s just how I am” as a shield against criticism, and don’t accept it from others. Embrace continuous learning and strive to improve behaviors that might affect your relationships negatively. This commitment will enhance your life and interactions with others.

Be well out there.

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Chapter 2: Challenging Toxic Behavior

This video discusses strategies for recognizing when you might be the toxic person in a relationship and offers guidance on how to address these behaviors.

This video provides insights on identifying toxic traits in others and how to protect your personal goals and well-being.