Chapter 1: Understanding Closure

Closure is a meaningful gift we offer ourselves. Releasing the pain tied to past experiences, especially those that once brought joy, marks the beginning of genuine healing.

Painful endings can linger in our memories, especially when faced with sudden loss. Thoughts of “what if” and “why” often cycle through our minds, leaving us craving answers or a resolution to alleviate the hurt. As Pam Ramsden, a psychology lecturer at the University of Bradford, notes, "The desire for closure isn't limited to relationships; it can arise from losing a loved one, a job, or a significant aspect of life."

Emotional distress follows us until we actively choose to reconcile with our past. True closure is a self-bestowed gift—it represents a deliberate choice to progress, even in the face of discomfort. The encouraging aspect is that you will feel a sense of lightness. Allowing yourself to release the grip of a loss is an invaluable present that only you can give yourself. You can learn to let go of the emotional weight these situations carry and create room to recognize the past without being overwhelmed by it.

Letting go of past pain is the first step toward profound healing. Reflecting on my own journey, I recall a time ten years ago when I desperately sought answers from a relationship that crumbled unexpectedly, leaving me in a fog of uncertainty. However, I have since moved forward.

Three years ago, I faced the sudden loss of a friend under mysterious circumstances, and while I still lack clarity about what happened, I delved deep to find my own closure.

The journey toward closure can be arduous and lengthy. Pain may resurface unexpectedly; this is a normal part of healing. Be kind to yourself. I permitted myself to experience my emotions, to feel the sadness. I recognized the loss while continually reminding myself to return to a state of awareness.

“One of the hardest realizations is that closure originates within us. This can be especially challenging after betrayal by someone we care for, as we might feel compelled to express the hurt they caused. Yet, the peace we seek is something only we can grant ourselves.” — Bruna Nessif

Closure does not always equate to receiving what we desire—apologies, explanations, or satisfactory endings. It involves recognizing what transpired, accepting what is beyond our control, and making peace with it.

I have learned to coexist with unanswered questions and unresolved issues with individuals from various phases of my life. Sometimes, situations conclude without a tidy resolution. What matters most is your capacity to harness your inner strength to prevent emotional turmoil from dominating your life.

No one should endure pain indefinitely. It is essential to bring closure to painful experiences. Avoidance does not eliminate them; it often only postpones the inevitable. Many individuals harbor loss, anger, and grief in their subconscious until their bodies reach a breaking point.

“When you fail to find closure, you inadvertently project pain onto yourself. Be truthful about the situation and yourself, heal the wound, and move on,” advises Jay Shetty, author of Think Like a Monk.

Feelings of pain, sadness, and frustration can manifest physically as anxiety and depression. It is vital to acknowledge what distresses you and seek healthy outlets for these emotions. There is no single correct method to achieve closure; it is an intensely personal experience.

This process may include revisiting the past, confronting the source of your pain, creating new memories, focusing on the present, and envisioning a future that does not revolve around what was lost.

“I understand the burden of carrying unresolved issues with you. Closure exists, but some things remain with us, like baggage in a minivan, as we continue our journey,” reflects Elizabeth Gilbert.

Closure is an intentional choice to move ahead, to recognize what has transpired, and to ensure it does not define your current life. It offers the gift of a future where you can breathe freely, unencumbered by the shadows of the past. It is a present of peace, acceptance, and the recognition of your strength in overcoming challenges.

The gift of closure is the liberation to advance.

It allows for renewed love, dreams, and the openness to new possibilities. Life consists of various chapters, and while some may end unexpectedly, they need not dictate your entire narrative.

Closure embodies courage.

It is the faith in your capacity to heal, a truly beautiful and empowering realization.

Chapter 2: Seeking Closure in Personal Stories

The first video, "Closure is a gift we give ourselves: 'Forgive Yourself'", delves into the importance of self-forgiveness in the journey toward emotional healing. It highlights how closure can be a self-initiated process that leads to personal peace.

In the second video, "You Don't Need Closure To Heal & Move On | In Your Feelings, Ep. 23", the discussion focuses on the idea that healing can occur even without traditional closure, emphasizing personal growth and resilience.